Elmo and Colleen Go to Camp... and College!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

2008-12-18T22:14:00.000-08:00

I believe many of you missed the cuteness reaction to the tomatoes in Lenka's music video for "The Show". I got this as a free download as iTune's Single of the Week awhile ago and really liked it. I love it a lot now. Anyway. Cute tomatoes (and birds, but the tomatoes are cuter).

No embedding. Go watch.

I don't think pissed off will even describe it

2008-12-17T00:03:00.000-08:00

I read The Pact.
I, my mom, and Mrs. M. have told me never to read The Pact. I hate hate hate reading about suicide.
I read it because I was so excited Halley got me a Jodi Picoult book for Secret Santa and yeah I secretly have always wanted to go against my conscience (who has apparently identified herself as Bonnie though we will save that creepy discussion for a later date - she has already been informed, and geez, didn't we know that already from last year) and read it.
Even though, you know, I was pretty much bound to be a total complete mess and not be able to sleep.
The only rule was that if I got to the point where I knew I was going to be a mess I would have to stop... and I almost did.
I also was not allowed to finish it before I went to bed, hence why I performed the dirty deed when I woke up instead of studying for finals. Some things in life are more important, like Jodi Picoult.
Well, boy was I pissed off by that ending. I'm just going to rant/public service message without spoiling the ending because yeah it was a Picoult ending and I think I am so pissed off because it was a good ending. Crap, absolutely stupid... but good.
Have I mentioned how I hate sucide?
I hate even more when authors romanticize it. When they imply that the person wanted it, therefore it was right. When they imply that there is no question whether or not that person is "in a better place". Because if you know anything at all about the Catholic Church, or even Dante for that matter, or heck, The Aeneid... committing suicide's a pretty big sin. Pretty big? They don't even let you have a proper funeral.
The thing is, you're given this great gift called life. And some people get that gift taken away from them and don't want it to be. They want it with everything they have, and they can't. And some people feel that gift being taken away and they Fight. Like. Hell. to keep it.
So... what? Should there be some sort of exchange system? Like, I hate my life, but since you've got crap odds to beat this disease, how 'bout I give you mine? Would that work?
What about the people who are left? If this book did anything for me, it proved how freaking destructive suicide can be to those left on Earth. It proved how utterly selfish someone is being when they commit suicide.
So now what does this depressed person, who thinks there is absolutely no refuge in life, do? I would hope they remember that they have one. I would hope they remember some other people won't have that chance. And I hope they remember that tiny little thing called Hope, and grab onto it with whatever they can. Call a hotline, turn yourself in, confess to someone. Just don't make that decision. Don't destroy everyone's life around you. Don't make people bitter by making them live without you. Remember who you were before and know you can get back there.
And hell, if someone tells you they are suicidal, DO NOT EVER think you can handle it on your own. Tell. Yes, the person will probably hate you for awhile, but their relatives and friends won't, and that person won't when they come around. And you can come around. If you think you can, you will. And if you don't think you can, be open to change. Know that you are not yourself when you are depressed, the real person is just being buried under there somewhere and you can find them, you can. Remember this if someone tells you that's what they want, to die. They might want it. But they do not... no they don't know what's best for them at that point. Please tell.

My Crafty Dream

2008-12-13T00:37:00.000-08:00

It was also blue. That should be a really bad sign for certain people, namely Kristine. I think it's an aftereffect of watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas and thinking about how it was also blue and how I totally called that. And also camp, who knows why, and Bonnie because I think she's probably creeping purposely into my dreams.
Okay, so the dream started out with me cleaning something. I think I had volunteered to work at something and I'd gotten assigned to cleaning. Except everybody should know I totally suck at cleaning, like I had to go over the windows at camp about three times before I could get them done to anyone else's "satisfaction". I just cannot clean well, for some reason. My mom can, so it's not like I haven't been taught. So anyway, whoever was supervising me got mad, and I was like can you please transfer me to crafts? So I went outside and it was like when the preschoolers came, and they were making braided friendship bracelets (hemp=way too difficult at this age! braids are enough!). Of course the supervisor was Bonnie (seriously. Who else is determined to show up in like every other dream I have? The issue of Kristine in dreams should be discussed separately). And of course her kids were participating in the program. I was basically walking around to make sure they were doing okay, and transferring their bracelets (which they were treating with some glue-like thing) to another mat so they could clean up. I kept getting kids close to me and all of a sudden they started shaking and dying. This is about where the dream got blue. The program was taking place on some plastic tablecloths outside a building, on a concrete driveway-ish thing. And as I was transferring the bracelets they were all that dark blue color that automatically screams Holocaust for me. I seriously think I recognized this in the dream because after that the kids started shaking/dying. It was very disturbing and I told Mrs. M. not to have her kids make the bracelets and I was like geez, this disease follows you everywhere, doesn't it? Because apparently the kids were dying of SIDS (even though they were about 4... it was a dream, okay?!) which according to current research could basically be serotonin syndrome, aka my/Bonnie's/Kristine's favorite disease on the planet. (I just totally assumed that. Do not contradict.)
And then the dream ended.
No, I'm not totally morbid. I thought it would amuse Kristine honestly because I explained it to her as "i had a dream where people started dying" and she said "I bet you weren't one of them so you really cared" (hint: very sarcastic). I am not a heartless person... but this might further prove my insanity...
I also told everyone else it was a dream about making bracelets because I didn't want to expand on the whole Nazi symbolism thing. I don't know what that says about camp either, but I don't think it was that bad!!

What Life is Really About

2008-12-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

So last night I found myself brooding over silly things, and I find that is very bad for my system, so I decided I would write about it. I came up with this list/poem/essay type thing. It is something I would want to say the next time someone complains about something stupid for the fiftieth time (now, I love complaining as much as the rest of us, but sometimes... IT GETS OLD), or focuses too much on competition (i.e. with grades, that drives me crazy, it's a personal thing), or just plain old gets it out of perspective.
Sometimes I need a perspective reminder too. My mom called with what really is the last straw with my "favorite" doctor but I have realized that at least this time the problem is not life-threatening. ;)
I realize this has a bit of a religious bend to it, but it is about my personal life philosophy.

What Life is Really About
Life is not about competition. It is never about who got the better scholarship, or the better grades, or who did the most good deeds.
Life is not about making yourself look good.

Life is not about following every minute detail to a T (unless you are in the medical field, then you better!).

Life is not about never making mistakes.
Life is not about having the most Facebook friends.
Life is not about doing things that don't interest you just because they pad your social or professional resume.
Just so you know - God doesn't accept resumes. You don't apply to get into Heaven. It does not have an affirmative action policy.
Life is about believing. Whatever you do, if you do it with your heart - you're on the right track.
Life is about believing. Life is about seeing the magic in everyday life. "Magic has to be believed - that's the only way it's real." (A Little Princess '95)
Life is about hope. It's about knowing that no matter how bad it is now, you will be happy again.
Life is about knowing that God never, ever gives up. Life is about knowing He has a plan.
Life is about sucking it up - not sucking up.
Life is about loving God. Not blindly following - believing because you truly love Him. Acting for others and for God because of this love, not because it makes you "look good".
Life is about loving other people. Life is about loving someone so much that you spend your last three months with them wondering how you will ever get by alone.
Life is about being loved. It is about finding that someone who truly loves you never really leaves.
Life is about having a true friends whom you can count on to cheer you up, let you cry, or act silly with.
Life is about the power of prayer - to heal, to thank, to strengthen.
Life is about knowing it's okay to doubt or be angry, as long as when you need to you can move past those feelings.
Life is about knowing everything will fall into place, just at the right moment. You will look back, and know those moments.
Life is about letting others know you appreciate their presence. Not their presents... just the fact that they are alive.

Make a Soldier's Day!

2008-11-24T18:07:00.001-08:00

The Quotes List

2008-11-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

Since I am running out of quotes room on Facebook :( and also have some other running lists of quotes, I figured I would combine them all on here and keep updating as I find new ones.

FACEBOOK QUOTES

Original FB Quotes:

"Love is patient, Love is kind,

It does not envy, it does not boast,

It is not proud, It is not rude,

It is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,

but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. Love never fails."

-1 Corinthians 13 : 4- 8

"Happiness isn't what happens to us - it's about how we perceive what happens to us. It's the knack of finding a positive for every negative, and viewing a setback as a challenge. If we can just stop wishing for what we don't have, and start enjoying what we do have, our lives can be richer, more fulfilled - and happier. The time to be happy is now." - Lynn Peters

"They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me." - Nathaniel Lee

"I think too much. I know this is wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing" - Matchbox 20, "If You're Gone"

"Well, disaster it stries on a daily basis..." - Vanessa Carlton, "Heroes and Theives"

"I'm in total shock... I don't have anything to say... this is the only time in my life where my mind has been completely blank..." - Kristine becomes speechless! Wait...

"Bar-Bar-Triangle-Triangle-Bar-Bar-Bar-Bar-Triangle-Triangle-STAR OF DAVID" - Dan

"I don't understand why you can't just teach us history instead of always harping on the past." - Galinda

"BLOOD"/"Not funNY!"/"Can I have your number? Can I have it?" - Humanities

"HEY! A person's a person, no matter how small!" - Brock Monteleone, quoting Seussical the Musical

Quotes from Mrs. Monteleone:

"Music is love in search of a word" - Sidney Lanier

"Friendship is Love without His wings" - Lord Byron

"Brock, put that book down! It might attack you!" - referring to the Monster Book of Monsters

"Then all of a sudden you went, 'BONNIE!' and I said, that's Mrs. Monteleone to you." - On me being sick

"You're making me think. I don't like it." - On my college essay dilemna

"Living is not as easy as simply getting up in the morning. It's embracing each morning and with courage, facing the new day. It's seeing the beauty and the misery - accepting that each exists. Controlling what can be controlled, and rolling with the waves when there is just no other way." - from probably my favorite email ever

"So, what's new and exciting?!" - the classic. And my dentist definitely asked me this the last time I went. I was so excited.

"It was pride that changed angels into devils, it is humility that makes men as angels." -St. Augustine

Nowlin Quotes:

On Jolene's 'Rocking the Boat' choreography: "She slaps, I 'huh'."

On which number to go to in 'Procession of the Nobles': "Square ten, in a circle."

"Hi, Trouble."

Jeremy: "Colleen, when you play french horn, make sure you buzz your lips like this and then you move your lips around to make different sounds."

Me: "Really, Jeremy, I never knew that."

Additional FB Quotes:

I will add quotes on here as I delete them from my quotes box on FB.

ANGELS (I have an obsession with angels. Just don't question it and we'll all be good.)

"Where the rational man seems to abdicate, nevertheless angels seem to tread."

-Gov hw

"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." - Luciano de Crescenzo

"Be an angel to someone else whenever you can, as a way of thanking God for the help your angel has given you."

- Eileen Elias Freeman, "The Angels' Little Instruction Book"

"Angels have no philosophy but love." - Adeline Cullen

"All God's angels come to us disguised." - James Russell Lowell

"In Heaven an angel is nobody in particular." - George Bernard Shaw

"Thorns and stings

And those such things

Just make stronger

Our angel wings."

-Emme Woodhull-Bache

"Friends are angels sent down to earth to make good days and help us find our way." - Unknown

"We are each other's angels, we meet when it is time."

-Chuck Brodsky

"It was pride that changed angels into devils, it is humility that makes men as angels."

-St. Augustine

"When angels visit us, we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove, but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts." - Unknown

"He who does not see the angels and devils in the beauty and malice of life will be far removed from knowledge, and his spirit will be empty of affection."

-Kahlil Gibran

"We shall find peace. We shall hear angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."

-Anton Checkhov

"Friends are the angels who pick you up when your wings have forgotten how to fly."

-Unknown

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I posess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

-Corinthians

"God would like us to be joyful

Even when our hearts are pounding on the floor.

How much more can we be joyful

When there's really something to be joyful for?"

-Fiddler on the Roof

"So you see, Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you." - Emmett Cullen

"Friends are those quiet angels who lift you up when your wings can't remember how to fly"

Oh I believe there are angels among us

Sent down to us from somewhere up above.

They come to you and me in our darkest hours

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give,

To guide us with a light of love.

They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places

To guide us with their mercy in our time of need.

- Alabama

"Behold I will send my angel, who shall go before thee, and keep thee in thy journey, and bring thee into the place that I have prepared. Take notice of him, and hear his voice" (Exodus 23; capitulum ad Laudes)

"Offering love is a mere gesture... to become an angel... one needs to BE love... for love is seen with the heart." - Unknown

"Life is full of nevers. You never thought you'd get cancer. You never thought you'd walk into this museum. You never thought you'd meet an angel! Whether life is long, or life is short, you never know what's going to come next." ~ Andrew to Constance (TBAA episode 617) #812, #815... this one kinda cracks me up... long story

"Sometimes, Angel Babies, it's not our battle to fight. And all we can do is curse the darkness and pray for the light." ~ Tess to Monica and Andrew (#903)

"Yes, there will be rivers for you to cross, but when you walk through the waters, He will be with you, and, yes there will be mountains for you to climb, but when you can't take another step, He will carry you, and there will be people to cherish, and hearts to change, but He will hold your hand every step of the way." ~Monica's blessing on the baby (#207)

"God has many names. Jehovah, Almighty, Everlasting Father, Alpha and Omega. But do you know what He calls Himself? I am. If you as God who is is, that's what He'll tell you. I am. Not I was, or I'm going to be, but I am, and He'll tell you I'm here, because you need me to be, and April, if God is here, right here, right now, what is there to fear?" ~Monica to April (#218)

"Angels don't tell you what you should have done. We're here to tell you that God loves you and He wants you to deal with what you can, right now, because now is all you can change." ~Andrew to Michael, Penny, and Whit (#222)

"The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone." - George Eliot

As I was walking among the fires of Hell,

delighted with the enjoyments of Genius;

which to Angels look like torment and insanity.

I collected some of their Proverbs.

-William Blake

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

God always has an angel of help for those who are willing to do their duty. - T. L. Cuyler

So when I'm lying in my bed

Thoughts running through my head

And I feel that love is dead

I'm loving angels instead

And through it all

She offers me protection

A lot of love and affection

Whether I'm right or wrong

And down the waterfall

Wherever it may take me

I know that life won't break me

When it comes to call

She won't forsake me

I'm loving angels instead!

-Angels, Robbie Williams (I will spare you the rest of the angel songs. This is probably my favorite besides "I Miss You" by Miley Cyrus... I know, I know... but it relates...)

"It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an Angel gets set on fire." - oh, Jack Handy...

RANDOM QUOTES

"I learned from you that I do not crumble. I learned that strength is something you choose, all of the reasons to keep on believing. There's no wishing. That's the lesson that I learned from you." - Miley Cyrus, "I Learned From You"

"They love to tell you 'stay inside the lines'. But something's better on the other side..." - John Mayer, "No Such Thing"

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself." - Muhammad Ali

"Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us?" -One Tree Hill

"You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you, how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in, were we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true, or were we there when their dreams died. Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there [YES], or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it." - One Tree Hill

"People put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." - Facebook Icon

"There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. But it's not giving up. It's realizing that you Don't Need Certain People and Their Crap." - Facebook Icon

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell.” ~Lance Armstrong

Wij regelgeving! - Kit-Kat speaking Dutch...

"Sometimes even the greatest joys bring challenge. And children with special needs inspire a special love." - Sarah Palin

The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and all time. - George Bernard Shaw

"What have you done to poor Mr. Darcy?" - Pride&Prejudice movie
"With you I suffered an expansion" - Alanis Morissette (actually from a sad song about breaking up, but I thought it was very beautiful/elegant - it was one of the good things she lost)

FACEBOOK BOX QUOTES

Some things I've had in that box to the left.

"You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right." - Rabbit from Pooh

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K Dick

"And for a moment, she isn't scared." - Rascal Flatts

"I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife on an island in the blue bay." - Ingrid Michaelson, "Far Away"

Fluff Friends

2008-11-04T16:39:00.001-08:00

Why Haven't I Read Job Before?!

2008-10-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

"Joy is not the absence of suffering but the presence of God." - Elizabeth Elliot

Today in honors was the second class discussion I've had where the subject really related to my life - too much for me to discuss it out of my personal belief system without getting extremely offended by other people's remarks. If I stay out of the discussion, I feel like they can argue and I'm disconnected, they are not arguing against me.
The first time this happened was last year in Gov when we discussed universal health care. I have moved a long way from there, and there were reasons keeping me from talking that don't affect me now. It's been more than a year since my angel experience (YES! I am now eligble for the Peace Corps, haha!) and I have gotten over any and all traumatic aspects of it unless it really takes me by surprise, and then I usually am just very touched/surprised/amazed and happy. More on this later. I have also defined my views on universal health care through that gov assignment and through the election, so I am able to debate it now in a way that is not "too personal". (Originally, I was offended mainly because our class was exceedingly cruel, and I didn't want to think about anything medical at the time.)
Today the discussion was about the Book of Job. And the only reason I really didn't want to discuss it in class was that this book really "spoke" to me. I have been reading a Psalm every night and while I like some, none of them have really affected me in the same way that Job did. Last year I was extremely angry at God, very, very angry, but as Monica says "You have to have a lot of faith to be angry at God". (Yes, Kristine, I WOULD find a Touched by an Angel quote for that one! Episode #715)
I couldn't find a way to objectify this book. I didn't want to put God on trial; God was on trial for a good bit of last year. We were good now; I am even trying harder to build this important relationship (hence my Psalms reading - and, I really love Candlelight Mass so I am actually excited about church every week). In my mind, everything in Job was correct. No, he didn't deserve it - but does anyone, really? Bakewell asked if anyone believed that your actions don't determine what happens to you here on earth.
Now here is the cincher - here on earth. To an extent, yes, I believe in that statement. No matter how amazing you are, you could still be the victim of a random shooting or be caught in a hurricane or be stricken with a deadly disease. None of these are your fault. It's not your doctor's fault (though this one is still hard for me to reconcile at times), it's not your house's fault for being in that area, it's not the shooter's fault. All of these events are random*. However, I do believe that your actions on earth do influence your life after death, but that is another discussion, and for now am going to treat it as a tenet of faith.
God didn't really have a reason to make Job suffer, or did he? Satan was agitating God by saying that Job wouldn't stand for it if he had to suffer. And you know what? Job hated it. But maybe God wasn't just making him suffer to get Satan out of his way.
Maybe God was making Job suffer because Job was a surface believer. Oh, he knew everything to do and followed all God's commandments, but he hadn't really seen God face-to-face. Job is telling us that only through suffering can we see God face-to-face. Jesus came to earth to suffer.
What I'm getting at is that while suffering might not be provoked, and probably doesn't happen for a (good-enough-for-humans) reason, good, amazing, brilliant, beautiful things can come out of suffering. I like how Erin put it, that suffering is random and may not happen for a reason, but God makes good things come out of it. Therefore, in a way "everything happens for a reason", but it doesn't because suffering is still random. I do think that certain people are meant to withstand certain things and that is why they are given the unique challenges they have, but I don't believe God gives them suffering out of malice. Suffering is just a fact of life and again, it's basically random.
That is and always has been reason enough for me, but I really had to relearn it this year. Imagine that you had lost all of your soul and then one day you got a phone call and you just barely managed to grab onto the edge. That is how I felt after my lovely first day of senior year of high school. I'm really not going to go into it, basically because this is a really special story to me. A lot of people do not really know the entire story, though they do know parts. I like to keep it to myself because within all of it was one of the most magical moments of my life, and I really like people to fully understand that part of it. This adventure is sometimes called my psych experience, and more generally my angel experience. Basically, my drugs interacted, I was in PICU for a few days and missed 2.5 weeks of school.
Well, I was really mad at God for letting my soul slip away from me, if even for those few days. I don't remember really much of what happened, and I definitely was not myself for most of it. However, there was one moment of amazing clarity in the midst of it all, a moment of great reassurance. It was possibly one of the most blissful moments of my life. In the middle of all the chaos of drug-interaction-world, I was so, so happy. The eye of the storm.
I was mad for a good three months. I was not actively mad at God for those three months (I allowed myself to have it out with the "Why me?" stuff I think for one night, and then I was done with it), but I refused to accept my situation. I was back... but I had been gone. I'd been physically out there before, we'll get to that later. This was a totally new type of suffering to me and honestly, it is the only thing in my life that I have allowed myself to think of as traumatic. Having your soul locked away (because it was still there, I just couldn't access it) is exceedingly traumatic. Don't recommend it, and I'm not really sure how Voldemort did it, 7 times!
Well, as I said, good things come out of everything. The great, amazing, awesome, beautiful thing that came out of this was a deeper friendship with our lovely history/ap gov teacher, Mrs. Monteleone. We were already really close friends (interestingly enough, we initially became friends over yet another of my medical crises), but after this episode we became inseparable, mother/daughter-esque. She even emails me. That is a big deal. And I probably incurred some liability charge right there, but whatever. The other good thing that came out of this was a greater understanding for a wider range of people, and a greater appreciation even for life; though I've never been one to take life for granted, this was a huge renewal.
I have been sick since I was born, literally, so suffering is definitely nothing new to me. I'd never needed to read Job because honestly, I knew it all from my life. I define excitement by all the things other people define it as... and I also define excitement by my trips to the doctor/hospital/ER. (YES! That spider bite! Hanging out with my mom at 1 am in the ER!) My mom hates that I do this (and I assume Mrs. M. does too but I really find it funny agitating her about it). Mom calls senior year a "great year", emphasis on the sarcasm. I call senior year a "great year", emphasis on the sincerity. It really was one of the best years of my life, because something so bad happened that all the good small things seemed like amazing, huge things. I was really happy senior year because I had been so traumatized at the beginning of it.
Reading Job was like an affirmation of everything I have learned through my life and my parents' take on it, and what I especially learned senior year. It is okay to be angry at God - it takes a lot of faith to do that - as long as you eventually figure out a way to reconcile with Him and realize that you just might be missing the chance to or not realize you already have seen Him face-to-face.

PS: I know this is really religious and I don't really care if you don't share my beliefs at all. I am just trying to organize, more for myself, what I think of Job, and then expand on what we were talking about tonight. If you disagree that is perfectly fine, same rules as the political debate thing - you can voice your opinion, just don't attack!

*I know this could be argued against, for example, you could relocate to somewhere where hurricanes are not typical, the shooter was still trying to shoot someone, your illness could be a product of your enviornment or could get worse because you are misdiagnosed, etc. But for the sake of my argument, we are going to say they are random events. What is important is that they are not directly caused by something you did. You yelled at your mom, therefore your house gets blown away by a tornado... this is not true. That is what Job is trying to tell us. Suffering is Random.

A really pointless entry

2008-10-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

After Relay for Life the other day, I went and looked up Rascal Flatt's "Skin", which made me sob, but then I couldn't stop listening to it and decided I needed to find something else to listen to.
I decided to look up a bunch of Taylor Swift songs on YouTube, which I've done before but never organized them into a playlist. I found tons of quotes that people use as their statuses, which was really amusing! My current favorite is "Our Song" because it makes me feel realy dancy, and I have in fact been kind-of skipping everywhere. Fun times.
This is very short and pointless, but in case anyone is wondering what I'm listening to... it's Taylor Swift.

A Response to the PinkNausea Post

2008-10-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

The context in which I listened to the I[2]Y podcast was after I had just listened to an anarchist speak to our floor. I was very interested in his message - breaking down the tunnel and seeing things for what they really are. To read a review of his talk, you can read Shannon's post.
I was interested to note that just as there are people who disagree with the status quo of society, there are people who disagree with the status quo of cancer advocacy. Not just that government is corrupt or people are stupid, but that you really have to "break down the tunnel walls" to really be yourself and make a change in the world. I have never been a huge supporter of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, because I get so tired of seeing that stupid pink everywhere. I agree with Jack's comment, and I was aware of companies that cap donations, which I also think is wrong and I don't consciously support them (as in, seek out these products because the company makes a donation).
I agree that normally Relay doesn't offer survivorship help for young adults. However, because ours is based on a college campus, all the volunteers are students my age. I am on the survivorship committee, we get along great so far, and I am excited to work with them. That being said, no, there is no actual support network in place for young adults with cancer or who have had cancer.
In no way did I mean to downplay the efforts of i[2]y - I am very interested in their efforts and actually check out the website quite often. I've downloaded all the podcasts, but I have not had time to listen to all of them. Maybe I didn't make it clear in my post - I did ENJOY the podcast. It was eye-opening. I was aware of, and despise, the commercialization of cancer, but unaware of just how much commercialization there was and that there was actually a group that disagreed with this.
My high school hosted an event for Stand Up to Cancer, so I was aware of the need to increase survivorship among young adults. I have been on the website many times; I know what the mission is. I used the word hippie because it seemed to me to be an underground movement, but perhaps "revolutionary" would be more appropriate? The YA Cancer Revolutionaries? Is that a little more positive?
Right now, Relay is the only thing available on campus. I have never been involved in the cancer community, but perhaps there is a way to organize an I[2]Y event on a campus?
And finally, YES (and more) to all the questions the first commenter posted, so please do not ask again. It appears that you didn't bother to read any of my other posts. As quoted in My Sister's Keeper, "I try to remember what it is like to be taken aback by the very possibility of disaster..." (Brian) and I can't remember that, honestly, because I've never had a period in my life where I was completely 'disaster'-free. And I really don't feel like reliving the angel experience at the moment.
All my political debates in the common area have made me quite vocal, I suppose ;)

Some New Holidays to Celebrate

2008-10-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

My news feed came up with an article about - you guessed it - the perks and non-perks of Breast Cancer Awareness month. You can read the article here. Basically it talks about all the free screenings and events that are going on this month. What I was more interested in was the link to a list of over 150 health observances throughout the year. Among my favorites:
February is National Condom Month,
March 31st is Kick Butts Day (I'm assuming this is for colorectoral cancer, since March is also Colorectoral Cancer Month),
April is National Humor Month and Women's Eye Health and Safety Month (just women?!),
April 2nd is National Day of Hope and April 14th is International Moment of Laughter Day,
May is Better Sleep Month,
July 20-26 is International Massage Week,
August 9th is International Day of the World's Indigenous People (not sure how this relates to health, but it sounded cool),
September is Healthy Aging (TM) month - I just liked how it was trademarked,
October is basically just THE MONTH, including but not limited to: Health Literacy Month, Healthy Lung Month, National Liver Awareness Month (I was not aware that I had a liver until this month), and Talk About Prescriptions Month,
November 15 is a two-in-one: World Kindness Day and America Recycles Day,
December is Safe Toys and Gifts Month (hint, hint, Santa), and
December 1-7 is National Aplastic Anemia Awareness Week!

Want to read the full list?

The Cancer Counter-culture

2008-10-02T12:15:00.000-07:00

So we know about the existence of hippies and anarchists, the counter-culture of our main culture. (And this is totally getting into an anthropological discussion of subcultures!) We also know about the popularity of Relay for Life and "The Three-Day", the Susan G. Komen breast cancer walk. But did you know that there is a counter-culture to this cancer-survivors-and-supporters culture?

I found the website "I'm Too Young For This" (http://www.imtooyoungforthis.org/) shortly after I signed up for Relay for Life. I don't remember what I was looking for - other cancer websites, and probably real-life stories to read, because as a few people on our floor know, I a) love sad books/stories/movies, b) don't get too upset at "sad" stuff; and c) have a very nonchalant attitude toward the medical world in general. I enjoy watching the Discovery Health channel just to see if I can diagnose the people in the ER or on Mystery Diagnosis (and I've been right a few times!), and this past spring I was on a total memoir kick (I recommend The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan).

So anyways, I was amused by ITY's totally cheeky attitude towards cancer and even more by the shirt they sell reading "White cells are for losers" and I kept looking at the site. I learned they had podcasts and decided to listen to one of them. I finally got around to listening to "The Stupid Cancer Show" today and got about 20 minutes in before I had to go to lunch. I was intrigued. First off, they are very anti-Komen. This actually doesn't bother me that much - I agree with the term ITY uses to describe October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month: "PINKNAUSEA"! I personally get tired of seeing every company coming up with a product benefiting the Komen foundation. Why? Because there are other cancers and diseases out there, and women get them too. I would rather a company pick a cause they really care about, rather than promote the feeling I get - "hey, let's support breast cancer because we want to support women". Men get breast cancer too. It does not bother me when people wear the ribbons, because usually they have a personal connection to the disease or, at least they chose to wear the ribbon and donate of their own accord.

I was also intrigued by a blogger quoted on the show. Her blog is named "Run from the Cure for Cancer" (view here) and she believes the cancer organizations should promote better prescription coverage, universal/cheaper health insurance, and environmental policies first and foremost, not just "finding a cure". She claims that if you are diagnosed with breast cancer and you have health insurance, your survival rate jumps 50%. I personally am anti-universal-health-insurance, because a lot of the advances in treatment for many diseases are a result of our capitalistic system. People diagnosed with any disease would not have access to the same type of treatment in, say, England, as they do in the US, especially clinical trials. In socialized health care systems, you can easily be denied care because people are more needy than you... even if you are in a precariously dangerous situation. My yearbook advisor's daughter-in-law lives in England and would have been denied the most modern/accurate/convenient diabetes supplies if they had not kept their American health insurance. That being said, I do think we need to do something about the insurance situation, but that's another discussion.

So there you have it - the hippies of the cancer world. Who do we support? The hippies, or the big-shot organizations? For now, I think Relay is a little of both - it's about the cure, but it also stresses survivorship, so I'm just going to stick with it.

On the edge of ancient maps it once said "Here there be monsters". What does yours say?

2008-08-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

I wrote this essay for Kenyon but never ended up applying (long story), so I thought I would post it here. If you don't know me, it will inform you of my and Elmo's amazing relationship, and if you do, it will reinforce my insanity.

At the edge of my map it still says “Here there be monsters”. Every day we each reach the end of our own maps, and wait for the next day’s uncharted territory to begin. I however, make this daily journey with my best friend since ten months, Elmo Monster of Apt. #123, Sesame Street.
Elmo has accompanied me on seemingly terrifying journeys, but he makes them all bearable. Our favorite color is red; during my childhood I had a lot of bloodwork drawn, but I have never been afraid of blood because it is Elmo’s (and my) favorite color. Because of Elmo, I have never been afraid of any medical procedure either. After a surgery in eighth grade I awoke to find Elmo had been my surgeon. He was still wearing his mask and hair – I mean, furnet.
Elmo has also been my constant travel companion. Two summers ago we traveled to Italy, where Elmo and I rode a gondola and ate plenty of gelato. We also made a pilgrimage to the Vatican. Elmo and I share a very strong faith, even though monsters aren’t allowed in church. Elmo has also visited Canada, where we participated in Ottawa’s ice festival; Chicago, where he almost fell off a boat in Navy Pier; New York City, where we window-shopped on Fifth Avenue; and Arizona, where we hiked through the desert.
Elmo and I also share a philanthropic interest. I completed my Gold Award to benefit the pediatric patients of MetroHealth Medical Center, where I am often treated. Elmo, however, chose to participate in our school’s blood drive – since he loves blood’s red color. Because I was unable to donate blood myself, I sent Elmo along with one of my friends who could donate. He got a First-Time Donor sticker and quickly regained his red color, after appearing a bit pale.
I have known my best friend, Elmo, since I was ten months old. We’ve traveled, volunteered, and faced illnesses together. Although it may still say “Here there be monsters” at the edge of my map, I am not afraid of what lies beyond that edge. I know the monsters are friendly, and I have one very loyal friend to prove it.

A Little Princess

2008-07-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

So one night last week Ivy told a Russian fairy tale to the girls using shadow puppets, and they really loved it. The next night they asked if *I* would tell a story and I said that I would. I'd let Ivy borrow all these simplified classics books, and I was going to read from one of those. They were all pretty long except for Rikki-Tiki-Tavi (which I loved, but I didn't think they'd appreciate it), Beauty and the Beast (boring) and Wizard of Oz (which is EVIL). So then I was going to see if we could go find my Secret Garden one, but it turned out she'd left it at my house. I was stuck and they were all fighting over which one they wanted me to read. So I started.

"The story I'm going to tell is called 'A Little Princess'," I began, and we whisked away to a land where "Once there was a girl named Sara Crewe, and she lived in India. She was very rich and one day she was talking to her nanny, who said, 'Sara, all girls are princesses'. The next day Sara asked her father about this, and he said, 'Yes, Sara, Maya is right. All girls are princesses. Now, Sara, I have some very bad news for you.'"

And we kept going and going. At one point, I came to the part about Emily, and I decided to include both the book part ("The trouble with dolls, Papa... the trouble with dolls is that they never seem to listen" - the part in Harper's/Mrs. M.'s scrapbook) and the movie part ("When you are upset, only think of Emily. Just tell Emily, and she'll get a message to me, wherever I am, and I'll send one back straightaways, so that you'll really be getting a hug from me", also in the scrapbook). And it worked! And then I didn't know the French for her French class problem, so I just said Sara explained in French - and that worked too! So next I introduced everyone: Ermengarde, Lottie (I told the angel story OF COURSE and I whistled just like Sara!), and Lavinia. They all laughed when I said how Sara would tell Lavinia, "All girls are princesses, even snotty two-faced bullies like you!"

So I told how Sara would tell her stories in bed because Miss Minchin didn't like them (every time I would say something about Miss Minchin, they'd say, "She's so mean!"), and I forgot about Becky but I added her on, and I told the first half of the Prince Rama stories. And then I said, "Sara, you are alone in the world" (with perfect Minchin diction, thankyouverymuch) and they all gasped and got worried and scared and acted like they didn't know if they could keep listening! And I said she drew her protective circle on the floor and fell asleep. But then I told about the Indian man, Ram Dass (and yes, Mrs. M, that IS my favorite part... well one of them... even though you think she is a "crazy little kid" - I love how in the movie that scene just captures how happy she is with all the sparkling lights and the snow and how it's all blurry because she's twirling and everything is perfect just for that one moment). And I told about the "would you like to buy a flower?" girls, and how they said, "for the Princess", and how this reminds Sara that all girls are princesses, even she, now. And it was another way of incorporating the book, because it talks about Sara getting her hopes back in this way a lot.

So then I talked about Sara and Becky's knock system ("Four knocks mean the evil Minchinweed is coming!" - they laughed) and the locket hunt ("I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I think I saw a mouse") and how the Prince Rama story ends, and how Minchin caught them and then I got to one of my other favorite scenes, the one I did for my report, where Sara and Becky imagine their feast. And I think I got all those quotes right, at least paraphrased. "Try, Becky, just try! What type of food do you see?" - "Uh... sausages?" "Good! What kind of sausages?"

And then they wake up and Becky says, "Oh, Lord. Sara, I think you went a little too far this time." Which they kind-of chuckled at, but that's always been my favorite line in the whole movie, so I talked about it a bit more. Then we got to the end, and they thought it was funny yet scary that Miss Minchin secretly wanted Sara to fall off the plank between the two buildings, and I did the dramatic movie ending, even though it's not as good as seeing it onscreen. And as an epilogue I added on the end of the Amelia storyline (where she falls onto the milkman, which they thought was hilarious) because I hadn't finished it.

It was so much fun! And during our brag sheet activity, one of the girls said I was a good storyteller! They talked about that story a lot and kept asking if it was real or if it was a book or a movie (no, yes, yes!). I totally want to do this again, except next time I want to make up my own story. I've always wanted to be a storyteller like Sara, and since I apparently am like her a lot (with my dolls being alive and leaving people random presents) this is one more way to be like her! :)

Studio 2B

2008-07-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing exciting happened that I can post (I had to reply to an Angry Parent phone call, but I probably legally shouldn't say more than that - it made me feel very empowered, though!), but I feel like I should update. I found one of the Studio 2B Collection books while I was tallying the activities my girls have done that they can earn badges for. I. thought. I. was. done. with. Studio. 2. B. 4. Ever! It's supposed to be like a magazine but I doubt they ever made another one. Of course I found it interesting reading material. If it was just a supplement without the charms and activities, I think I would've liked it. It actually updated G. S., and I thought the book went well with the badges. Except now we are shelving badges, so that doesn't matter.

Back to screaming girls (they got really hyper at dinner for some reason), one who won't stop hugging anyone and others who break into fits of random giggles. I really like this group; they are a lot of fun. And I love the sewing b/c we get to be indoors a lot, and I do like sewing when the machines don't stop every 5th stitch, like mine does. I was attempting to make a doll skirt, but realized I don't have a doll with me so I am going to bring it home to finish. Haha.

Crocs and Socks

2008-07-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

I decided to create a blog chronicling my frustrations and, occasionally, joys and amusements while I am at camp, so that all my friends who I never see anymore (as my social life on the weekends consists of sleeping) will know what is going on!

Yesterday a new fashion was spotted among the girls in my group, who very brilliantly forgot to pack tennis shoes. You thought crocs were ugly - try wearing them with socks, which I made them do! Nobody has complained of rocks in their shoes yet. The holes are definitely big enough! The girls went to bed around 11:15 - I believe I was up later than they were, journaling! I was going to this weekend, and was too tired... but it cheered me up until this morning when I had to go track down my meds again. Oh, well - the worst thing that can happen if I skip them... well, you might want to go ask Mrs. M. about that one, and then run fast.